just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
