Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
