I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
