Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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