Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
