I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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