I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize