You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
