then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize