When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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