Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
