Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
