Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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