My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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