After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
