he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm too high and old for this...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
