Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
