It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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