If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
