I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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