And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
