he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
