just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
