Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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