Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
