I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I love you. Go after that dick
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
