I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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