the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
