no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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