He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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