Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
