dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
