My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
