I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
