I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
