Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I wear drunk well.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
