wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
