Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
