No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
