if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
