That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize