i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
