I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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