You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
