my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
