He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
