I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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