what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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