i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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