Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
