I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
