glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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