I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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