Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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