Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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