Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
