tell your sister to shave her snatch
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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