I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
