hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
