You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
