I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
