Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
