Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
