I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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