I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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