i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
