is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
